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Saturday 26 July 2014

Love Me Blender



Love me blender
Love me treats
Like that ripe mango
You have made my life complete
With all things phyto

Love me blender
Love me juice
All my dreams fulfilled
For that extra kick or two
I will add a dill


Love me blender
Love its song
That sings to my heart
For PULSE or BLEND or SMOOTHIE
It is quite the art

Love me blender
Love its truth
Fruits are Nature's gift
Just like Darwin he observed
Evolution's neat! 

Love me blender
Love it near
I will not lend out
Can't chance it getting spoilt
I will then freak out

Love me blender
Love its spout
Pouring out good stuff
I hope it will last the years
I haven't juiced enough!

Tuesday 15 July 2014

Durian Party Girls


I once met a girl named Ang Hae
Her face was always red and angry
And then there was Ho Lor
She was pretty but rather 'chor lor'

Along then came Cheh Phoay Kia
She macham sam seng kia
Her real name was Chow Ah Lian
But we  all called her Chow Lew Lian

I spent a week with lovely Gan Ja mei
Can't really remember what we did
We just smoked and ate durians
And played siao Jenga with the botak seeds

But guess who would walk in on us?
A girl known as Chup Yit Lao
She's skinny like two bamboo poles
Cause she's having ganja and nothing else

And who can forget Ka Pi Li
She was rather well endowed
But one side big and one side small
Pai kuah like ION Orchard Mall!

Her sister Xiao Hung was much better
Not too big and not too small
Sometimes cannot be too greedy lah
Mouth not big why ask for more???

D2 was a girl we met at disco night
Shakes her head like on Ecstasy
Also makes that "deetoo deetoo" sound
Wah lau eh, like that sibeh scary!

Ms D24 no need say one
Was a girl who blocked our view
Serving beer when we watched football
No Messi, only got mountain view!

Each drinking night we'd meet Ang Bak Kia
Who, I think, never sleeps
Walks around with her eyes red red
I think she should star in The Walking Dead!

My fave companion is Kan Bao Hung
But she can seldom sit beside me
You see, she's a hot hostess at KTV
All the lao uncle chope, I sibeh envy

So I settle for Ms Cheh Phoay 15
Ms Kan's young pretty sibling
She's rather green and inexperienced
But she worships me as her 'tuition' king

:-)

===
Glossary: (Mostly Hokkien)
- Ang Hae: red prawn

- chor lor: not graceful
- Cheh Phoay Kia: green skin kid
- macham (Malay): behaving like
- sam seng kia: gangster kid

- lew Lian: durian
- Chup Yit Lao: eleven storeys  - ganja: Heroin (drug)
- pai kuah: ugly (lit: don't look nice)
- Ang Bak Kia: red flesh kid (durian); also 'red eye kid'
- Kan Bao Hung (Cantonese): sure kenna booked
- lao: old
- sibeh: very 
- chope: to book before
- Cheh Phoay 15: Green skin No. 15 (as in KTV Girl No.15)

Working in Singlish can really mess up the grammar! ;-)